When ABC and FOX began their epic battle between Dancing with the Stars and Ice Skating with the Stars, FOX pulled out the trump card by showing blood in the commercial. In the spirit of cheesy knock-off reality contests, Hoboken's bars will not be outdone...

On Thursday, Nov. 9, Duffy's is holding it's first ever "Hoboken's Worst Bartender Contest," where up to 12 Hoboken-licensed bartenders will do their worst to prove they're the lousiest bartender in town. The one-night event will feature two bartenders at a time working half-hour shifts from 8 to 11 p.m. The "loser" will receive a trip to Gary Regan's Cocktails in the Country in order to rehabilitate his/her ways behind the wood.

Contestants will be judged on a variety of levels, including unkempt appearance, customer disservice, overall rudeness/surliness and drink quality/presentation.

The panel of judges will include celebrity "losers" from previously held local bartender competitions, as well as surprise guests; including Gary Regan himself, the Obi-Wan Kenobi of the bartending trade.

Regan has contributed to Food & Wine, Wine Spectator, Playboy, All About Beer, Wine & Spirits, and writes a weekly column for the San Francisco Chronicle, not to mention having authored several books on serving and sipping adult beverages.

And with his seminar "Cocktails in the Country," (which includes one-night stay at Painter's in Cornwall-on-Hudson) he does a fantastic job of imparting his voluminous wisdom on the subjects over a whirlwind weekend tour behind the bar. For more about Gary and his work, check out www.ardentspirits.com.

Duffy's will feature their usual Thursday Night All-Night Happy Hour, with $2 domestic draughts and as always on Thursday there will be live music from 10 p.m. to 2 a.m. Any interested, bar card-carrying Hoboken bartenders, email chris@chrishalleron.com, or stop by Duffy's, 239 Bloomfield (corner of Third), in Hoboken.

Imagine the underwhelming sense of pride you will carry with you knowing that in one of the most densely packed bar towns in America, you could quite possibly be the densest bartender.

A shot at the grand prize is well worth the effort, and with special guest patrons such as "Pushy, Narcissistic Striped Shirt Guy," "Girlie-Shot Sally and Her Gaggle of Giggly Sorority Sisters," "Brooding, Belligerent Bobby," and "Panhandler Pete," just imagine how cathartic it would be to step behind the bar and really let 'em have it.

Hell, anybody can sit there with a hangover and ignore customers while picking their nose and text messaging their friends, but do you have what it takes to be HOBOKEN'S WORST BARTENDER*? (*out of fairness, Duffy's staff is ineligible. No comment...)

Christopher M. Halleron, freelance writer/bitter bartender, writes a biweekly humor column for The Hudson Current and websites in the New York Metro area. He spends a lot of his time either in front of or behind the bar in Hoboken, New Jersey where his tolerance for liquor grows stronger as his tolerance for society is eroded on a daily basis. Feel free to drop him a line at c_halleron@yahoo.com.